Hermit Mode, Pride, And Birthdays

Since April’s camp nano, I’ve gone into hermit mode. For me that means an uptick in my generalized anxiety disorder, and social phobia. I avoid people like the plague, including people I love, and my creativity goes into a severe drought.

But it’s June now. I think it’s due time for me to force myself out of it. So let’s open up dem curtains and air this shit out! Bring some fucking light and positivity in!

I wanna hear about all the good shit that’s happened in your life lately. Me? Well, I got my first vaccination in May. By Sept I should be fully vaccinated. During hermit mode, I’ve spent a lot of time studying Spanish on Duolingo, game development on Godot, 3D art on Blender, and animation in Krita for funsies. (All free programs if you’re interested)

But in June… June is Pride month. I went to my first pride celebrations in 2018 in Saskatchewan. I was awkward and lurky in the background, but it was important to me. An experience I’ll never forget, sitting in that small town park listening to those small town peeps telling their coming out stories on a shitty microphone. As low res as the experience was, it was one dripping with evidence of progress and hope. So if you’re out there, afraid to go to your local pride celebrations: if you can get to them, and your life won’t be in danger, I think it’s worth it to go. Even if you don’t connect with your community right off the bat, just experiencing them for a moment can be… I don’t want to say life-changing, but maybe mind-changing? Emotion-changing?

June is also the month I was born. My birthday is on the 16th! I hate growing older, but I still get as excited about birthdays as I did when I was a kid. Birthdays are an excuse to indulge and celebrate yourself. To let go of stress and negative self talk for a day and just be fucking merry! Except this year I have a dental cleaning on my birthday so… I guess the letting go of stress will wait until the afternoon.

I don’t know the purpose of this post. I guess it’s my open letter to myself to break out of hermit mode. To feel the pride, the excitment, and the love that June brings, and maybe, JUST MAYBE, crack open my writing program and get back into the swing of things.


More from Sam Clover

An Erotica Writing Circle

My first big event on the server since my return was a summer story collection (It’s still ongoing, btw). And being a moderate success, and having so many people show interest in having a critique circle again, it feels like the right time to buckle down and get organized for one. … More An Erotica Writing Circle

Books I Read in 2022 (pt. 1)

So in 2022, I have taken on the yearly Goodreads Reading Challenge. For me, part of the challenge was to get back into reading for fun. I’ve been beta reading and volunteer-editing for friends and other writers for so long exclusively instead of reading things I can get absorbed in and enjoy that for a … More Books I Read in 2022 (pt. 1)


Sam Clover is an author of m/m dark romance and horror. She’s pan, demi, and massively introverted! You can find her trying to challenge her introversion actively on Twitter, discord, and occassionally facebook.


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